it's friday night....
 
so what did i do on this lovely friday evening?? fellowship! our program was a bbq tonite, and even though it rained, the leaders made a tremendous effort and cooked everything in the kitchen while the group played some games.  thank you so much to our dedicated leaders. :)
 
sometimes, i wish i didnt go to fellowship here cuz i feel so out of place. like tonight, i noticed that most of the girls were talking about hair and highlighting or perming, shoes, clothes, and makeups. the guys were shooting some ball, and then i talked with some guys about time crisis III haha :p. but yea, it feels so akward sometimes. i dont know how to describe it. and i know that i am to blame for this because i am not a super outgoing persons who just goes up to new people and talks to them. i dunno, maybe that is something that i am supposed to learn over the next month. i had a thought tho.....what if i stopped attending this fellowship in august? and then i thought wow - i would have a lot more time to do....what? watch tv at home? go running or blading? play some piano? learn some guitar? clean my room? sure i would have a little more time...but it's only going to be 3 or 4 hours, so what? i would probably turn into a couch potato! with that though aside, i thought of the reason for fellowship. sure things get fustrating, and awkward sometimes. but the purpose is not for me to feel comfortable, but for me to try and make others feel comfortable. the purpose is to get to know others and care about them.
i need to stop feeling bad for poor lillian who feels left out. it's time to forget about me and think about others. it's time for me to give as much of myself as i can - no more moping around!!  time to start praying and asking for God's helping hand~!